31 Signs You Belong in Sydney
1. You will gladly pay $250 a week in rent, $10 for your beer and $4 for your morning coffee, but when Newtown Thai lunch specials went from $6.50 to $7 you vowed an eternal boycott – and no, you haven’t been back to Thai-la Ong since.
2. When you heard Justin Timberlake didn’t get into HIS OWN AFTERPARTY on Oxford Street you were strangely satisfied to learn that NO ONE gets past the 1:30am lock-outs.
3. You have your mum for financial problems, friends for breakups, and for everything else – your barista.
4. You can’t drive past/through/by a sign that reads “Darlinghurst” without whispering “Razorhurst” under your breath. Thanks Underbelly.
5. The 2000 Sydney Olympics were the best Olympics there ever was, and ever will be. Rest of the world, please stop trying.
6. Breakfast on the North Shore isn’t complete unless you see at least one blonde Princess chuck a tantrum because her soy latte wasn’t soy enough and her kale was just too wilted.
7. Some people would think of Victoria Road traffic as one of the worst commutes in the world. You like to think of it as your extra hour of sleep in the morning.
8. Like every Sydney-sider, you’ve never actually stayed in Sydney for New Years Eve, but when someone from out of town disses it, the words, “Largest and most technologically advance fire works display” are out of you mouth before they can say, “hyped-up, soul crushing extravaganza”.
9. You know that mybus tickets come in different sections. You also know that a concession section 1- 2 will get you from Burwood to Town Hall 99% of the time with no problems.
10. 1% of the time ALL TRANSPORT OFFICERS ARE OUT TO GET YOU.
11. You know that Melbourne people think you’re completely shallow, flashy and pretentious and don’t have a cultural bone in your body, let alone your city. But you couldn’t hear their whinging over the sound of Kim Kardashian oiling her booty up to a backdrop of the Sydney Most-Freaking-Beautiful-Harbour-In-The-World Bridge #wehavetheprettycity
12. You were eating Adriana Zumbos macaroons BEFORE Masterchef.
13. You know that KFC actually stands for Korean Fried Chicken – nothing wins multiculturalism like finger lickin’ chicken.
14. When Sydney won 5th place in most expensive city in the world rankings you were a bit disappointed it didn’t come first. But still happy it beat Melbourne. Suck it Melbourne.
15. You can draw the fine lines between the inner city suburbs with your eyes closed. And no, Redfern isn’t “Basically Surry Hills”.
16. You don’t blink an eye at spending half your week’s wages on 2 hours of parking at Bondi Beach, even though when you get there, you end up sharing your beach blanket with a bunch of Irish backpackers and a small indan family. #worthitforthehashtag
17. You boast about the old days of going to watch a rock band at “The Sando”, when people appreciated “real music”, while secretly stockpiling tickets and steroids for this years Stereosonic.
18. You can’t help automatically stereotyping people based on where they live: Cronulla equals bogan; Mossman equals millionaire; Mount Druitt equals checking the room for exits.
19. You’re pretty sure that the only reason they’re allowed to still use glass in Potts Points bars is in case Redfoo ever rocks up again.
20. You’ve definitely been heard to utter the worlds, “I went to the Shire on the weekend, and it wasn’t that bad!” In a tone of complete and utter surprise.
21. Like everyone else in Sydney, you stay in your clique and keep yourself busy hating the other clique. Until State of Origin when you all band together to hate Queensland.
22. When you go overseas you regal foreigners with tales of man-eating crocodiles and deathly spiders, even though the most menacing animal you’ve every seen was a cockroach (but damn it was a big one!).
23. You know that thongs are only appropriate footwear north-east of Kensington. Everywhere else, it’s bogan.
24. You rank your friends length of attendance at parties by how far out they live, eg. ‘The last train to Turamurra leaves at 11.30, so Lucy will make it to dinner but not karaoke.
25. Waiting in line to buy your weekly train ticket is the low point of you week. But if you want to eat at Jamie’s Italian on a Saturday night, you will wait in that goddamn line for however long it takes.
26. You know that all the good bars are the ones with absurd directions – turn off Pitt street and walk through the Avery laneway, swerve right at the pot plant and whistle three times, picturing a pint of Four Pines pale ale in your head while leaning slightly left.
27. Traffic lights aren’t road laws, they’re suggestions. And the only time you indicate is when you’re stealing someone’s parking spot.
28. A night out on Oxford Street doesn’t count unless you’re forced to question the sexuality and/or gender of at least 3 of the people who hit on you.
29. You’ve been yelled at by taxi drivers more times then you’ve changed your underwear. And you’ve definitely changed your underwear in a taxi.
30. You know the Backpackers Express isn’t a hostel or an East Coast bus, but you’re sick of explaining it to every single tourist – have they not watched Bondi Rescue?
31. Whenever you leave and travel to other places in Australia you tell EVERYONE where you’re from. It is, after all, the best city on Earth. When these people fail to concur with this assumption, you don’t take it personally. You know they think it’s a junky riddled place with jacked up house prices full of pretentious people who wouldn’t stop to pull their own son out from under a car. What they don’t realize is, despite all these things, it’s worth it.
Want more info about Sydney and New South Wales? Check out our other posts about this region in our Go Wild. Go NSW. series.
